The Truth Is…

Hey guys

So, the truth is although I go on about how I want to post here and make it my happy space, how I’ve battled through shit and came out the other side… I don’t really think I’m out the other side.

It feels like a constant battle.

I think that’s why I find it hard to come on here as I’m not in that motivational positive headspace that I wanted my blog to be.

So from now on I think I’m just going to be me, I’m not going to say that I will post religiously, but I will post and I will be honest.

At the moment I’m feeling very low again and I don’t quite know how to get out of it or who to turn to. My life is far from horrendous, but at the moment all I do is work, when I’m not working I am tired and trying to fit in general life. I know there will be people out there that work more than me, but to me working a 53 hour, 6 day week is too much.

I rarely get to see my partner, I don’t feel like doing anything, I try to exercise to keep my MH issues at bay but I’m ALWAYS at work.

I’m thinking I need to change back to a job that is more standard full time of around 40 hours pw – which there are plenty of jobs available for the same wage + these hours (this also bothers me that I could be earning the same money but working 13 hours less), but I love my team that I work with and I’m terrified of going to a place where the team make me miserable again.

I’ve even contemplated going back to my old place of work because I loved the work, but add on the mileage + travel time, plus part of the reason I left there was because of the atmosphere.

Basically I don’t have a clue what I’m doing with my life – how are you supposed to know what career to do? Any other career that I think of, that isn’t admin, requires uni qualifications of some sort and I don’t have that.

I’m starting to feel like I don’t even want to get out of bed anymore – and this is a stage that I got to before and I don’t want to be back there, but I don’t know what to do or who to turn to.

The only person I know that truly understands where I’m coming from with my weird little thoughts is my mum, the problem is I don’t want to turn to her, because my MH problems trigger her. I hate seeing my mum looking broken because she’s worried about me being broken – it becomes a vicious cycle.

This has become a very long, garbled rant – which I’m not going to even read through. I just got back from a drive / sitting in the country to try clear my head and get out of this funk, and came up with the idea that a messy post will make me feel better.

Will it? Probably not – but who cares.

To anyone reading this – keep fighting that battle. If you need to talk to someone – message me, tweet me, DM me – I will answer and help in any way that I can. I want to help people, I want to make a difference to this world.

LJ xo

A Bad Day Is Not a Bad Life

Why Hello!

So…. yesterday was a bad day!

It started off with coming into work to a snotty email from a client, then it was down hill from there. Putting pressure on myself, management putting pressure on, unhappy clients, hours of work being turned away.. I felt well and truly not cut out for the job, by lunch time I walked out of the office and had a mini-break down in my car.

Yesterday I considered going straight back to the happy pills. Am I feeling like this because I’m not on the tablets? Is it just because it’s nearly ‘that time’ of the month? Is it just a bad day…

I’m pleased to say I didn’t go back to the pills, my mum recommended that I note the days where I feel like this so we can see if there’s a pattern or if my issues are coming back and things like that.

I am pleased to report that today was a MUCH BETTER day!

Here’s my list of tips for when you’re having one of ‘those’ days because lets face it – we all have them!

• Breathe – calm yourself down – whatever it is, it’s not the end of the world!
• Listen to some of your favourite music and either relax – or sing that little heart of yours out (I thoroughly enjoy belting out a bit of Adele in my car when I’m feeling frustrated). I like to listen to relaxing music like Gabrielle Aplin, where as others may want up beat happy music!
• Surround yourself with people you love. Go have a cuddle with your parents or a loved one or even your bestie!
• Exercise, exercise, exercise. I had football training last night – did I want to go? No.. I wanted to stuff my face with a takeaway, but by going it’s a distraction for one, but I personally always feel SO much better afterwards and I guarantee you probably will too.
• Treat yourself – Whether it be a bubble bath with a nice Lush bath bomb, eating some chocys or having a glass of wine. Do something that is a treat and comforting to you 🙂
• Finally.. Just remember the good things you have in your life. I have an amazing supportive family, my parents are my world, I have a boyfriend who I love to pieces that I live with and I have my health. I have read about many tragic events this week and it puts things into perspective when I’m having a mini break down over two hours of work when others are fighting battles and dealing with losses.

A bad day, does not mean a bad life. Yes I am now off of my tablets because I felt better, but that doesn’t mean I will never have a bad day.

Keep strong and most importantly talk to someone ❤

What do you like doing when you’re having a crappy day?

Much Love

LJ xo