Hey guys
So, the truth is although I go on about how I want to post here and make it my happy space, how I’ve battled through shit and came out the other side… I don’t really think I’m out the other side.
It feels like a constant battle.
I think that’s why I find it hard to come on here as I’m not in that motivational positive headspace that I wanted my blog to be.
So from now on I think I’m just going to be me, I’m not going to say that I will post religiously, but I will post and I will be honest.
At the moment I’m feeling very low again and I don’t quite know how to get out of it or who to turn to. My life is far from horrendous, but at the moment all I do is work, when I’m not working I am tired and trying to fit in general life. I know there will be people out there that work more than me, but to me working a 53 hour, 6 day week is too much.
I rarely get to see my partner, I don’t feel like doing anything, I try to exercise to keep my MH issues at bay but I’m ALWAYS at work.
I’m thinking I need to change back to a job that is more standard full time of around 40 hours pw – which there are plenty of jobs available for the same wage + these hours (this also bothers me that I could be earning the same money but working 13 hours less), but I love my team that I work with and I’m terrified of going to a place where the team make me miserable again.
I’ve even contemplated going back to my old place of work because I loved the work, but add on the mileage + travel time, plus part of the reason I left there was because of the atmosphere.
Basically I don’t have a clue what I’m doing with my life – how are you supposed to know what career to do? Any other career that I think of, that isn’t admin, requires uni qualifications of some sort and I don’t have that.
I’m starting to feel like I don’t even want to get out of bed anymore – and this is a stage that I got to before and I don’t want to be back there, but I don’t know what to do or who to turn to.
The only person I know that truly understands where I’m coming from with my weird little thoughts is my mum, the problem is I don’t want to turn to her, because my MH problems trigger her. I hate seeing my mum looking broken because she’s worried about me being broken – it becomes a vicious cycle.
This has become a very long, garbled rant – which I’m not going to even read through. I just got back from a drive / sitting in the country to try clear my head and get out of this funk, and came up with the idea that a messy post will make me feel better.
Will it? Probably not – but who cares.
To anyone reading this – keep fighting that battle. If you need to talk to someone – message me, tweet me, DM me – I will answer and help in any way that I can. I want to help people, I want to make a difference to this world.
LJ xo
ALittleMotivation 